Category Archives: Relationships

Parsha [Passage of Scripture] Nugget [Precious Idea] Chayei Sarah – Genesis 23:1-25:18

How many times have you spoken to your spouse with the best intentions only to have your words completely misinterpreted? Likewise, have you done a friend a favor only to find the adage “no good deed goes unpunished” seems to apply? I’ve written before about how G-d judges intentions. So why doesn’t He make things work out the way you intend? Parshas Chayei Sarah explains what’s going on:

“Let it be the maiden to whom I say. ‘Please tip over your jug so that I may drink,’ and who replies, ‘Drink, and I will even water your camels,’ her you will have designated for Your servant, for Isaac…” (Bereshis/Genesis 24:14).

This Sabbath’s parsha begins with the death of Sarah. Abraham purchases a burial site, inters her, and devotedly mourns. Then he orders Eliezer, his servant, to find a wife for Isaac. Next, Abraham remarries. The narrative concludes with his death and the death of Ishmael.

God Knows Your Intentions

The Midrash notes the impropriety of Eliezer’s above request. According to his plea any woman, no matter what her status, would fit the bill. Nonetheless, knowing that Eliezer acted with the best intentions the Almighty sent him the saintly Rebecca. Why did He treat him so kindly?

Until he received Abraham’s instructions for finding Isaac a wife, Eliezer had hoped his daughter would marry his master’s son. Finding this was not to be, he nonetheless faithfully carried out his duty. He lost no time preparing for and setting out on his journey. He fervently prayed for success, beseeching G-d to, “Do kindness with my master.”

Clarify Your Intentions Before Acting

Notice Eliezer’s clarity of intentions. From the outset, he sought a woman of character. He brought gifts to persuade her family to consent to the marriage. All his arrangements focused on a successful outcome for Isaac and Abraham.

By engaging in such preparation you can ensure your true intentions are sound:

1. Whatever you are saying or doing, it should come from devotion to the other person.
2. Resolve to have his or her best interest at heart.
3. When you speak with your spouse, child, or friend, plan your words in advance. How could you be misinterpreted?
4. Likewise with your actions. Could something you do be misconstrued? Explaining your behavior beforehand may make your intentions clear.

Assumptions Defeat Clarity

It’s easy to think your intentions are clear. After all, you know what you’re thinking. But the only way others can know is if you tell them. Now that you have to articulate your meaning you may find you’re not as certain. Taking the time to assure your heart, words, and actions are aligned with your intentions will help you build solid relationships based on mutual understanding.

Question – How do you make sure your speech and behavior match your intentions? Please leave a comment below.

Every year beginning on Simchas Torah, the cycle of reading the Torah, the first five books of the Bible, ends and begins again. Each Sabbath a portion known as a sedra or parsha is read. It is named after the first significant word or two with which this weekly reading begins.

What verse in the Old Testament would you like to know more about? Ask a question and I will answer it in a future Parsha Nugget!

Parsha [Passage of Scripture] Nugget [Precious Idea] Vayeira – Genesis 18:1-22:4

Maintaining friendships is a lot of work. With some people, you can speak to them once every year or two and pick up right where you left off. But most friends require greater effort. When your life is so busy, how and where do you find the time to nurture important connections? Parshas Vayeira makes clear what it takes:

“And Abraham journeyed from there…and he sojourned in Gerar.” (Genesis/Bereishis 20:1)

The Sabbath’s parsha begins with Abraham receiving three guests who reiterate the promise that he will have a son. Then he learns about the fate of Sodom, where his nephew Lot is living, and Gomorrah. G-d destroys the cities but saves Lot and his daughters, who then give birth to Moab and Ammon. Next, Abimelech abducts Sarah, Isaac is born, Hagar and Ishmael are sent away, and Abraham makes an alliance with Abimelech. The parsha ends with the binding and near sacrifice of Isaac.

Friendship Focuses on the Other

Life was nomadic during Biblical times. But there had to be a better place to go than Gerar. Once again Abraham faced mortal danger when a king coveted his wife. The benefit of moving there must have been tremendous.

After the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, people stopped traveling through Mamre. Abraham no longer had the opportunity to welcome guests into his encampment. He could have taken the attitude that since there was no one to invite he was exempt from having guests. And G-d wouldn’t have faulted him.

But the Creator prizes hospitality so Abraham made it his hallmark.

Adopt Your Friend’s Priority

Abraham left Mamre and moved to Gerar where he could resume being hospitable. It entailed risk. But he was confident that by embracing G-d’s priority he would receive His protection.

Such is the nature of a true relationship. Each person looks after the interests of the other. Note that Abraham probably spent very little extra time entertaining guests. He and his family had to prepare meals and eat anyway. Hospitality may have meant serving better quality food or washing a few extra dishes, but Abraham still had plenty of time to tend to his flocks.

It’s the Action that Counts

For many years I assuaged my conscience by telling my Mom I thought about her often, even though I seldom picked up the telephone. When I did call her she would ask me why I didn’t call her, to which I responded, “I’m calling you now. Isn’t that good enough?”

It took me years to realize my Mother was telling me she desired regular communication to create a closer relationship. I always thought it would take too much time. But with telephone, email, and text messages I’m in daily contact without any burden on my time.

Every other consideration pales into insignificance when you base a friendship on the other person’s priority. Send him an article about his favorite sports team, make an effort to thank her, or just briefly touch base periodically. Small deeds make all the difference.

Question – In what little ways do you maintain a friendship?

You can leave a comment on this question or ask another question below ↓

Every year beginning on Simchas Torah, the cycle of reading the Torah, the first five books of the Bible, ends and begins again. Each Sabbath a portion known as a sedra or parsha is read. Its name comes from the first significant word or two with which this weekly reading begins.

Do you have a question about the Old Testament? Ask it here and I will answer it in a future Parsha Nugget!

Parsha [Passage of Scripture] Nugget [Precious Idea] Ha’azinu – Deuteronomy 32:1-52

Have you noticed when something comes easily often it leads to disappointment, frustration, or sadness? I see this with my daughter. When I buy her a new toy she wants badly she’ll play with it for a few days and then get bored. When she pays for a toy with money she’s saved up it lasts much longer. Among us grownups, it seems relationships are easily formed and just as rapidly discarded. Parshas Ha’azinu shows how to deal with this challenge:

“For G-d’s portion is His people Jacob, the rope of His inheritance.” (Deuteronomy/Devarim 32:9)

This week’s parsha, the last Sabbath reading of the cycle, has the song Moses wrote at the end of the previous parsha. In it, he appoints heaven and earth as a witness to all of the disasters that will happen to the Israelites if they stray from the path G-d has set. He also describes the joy that will come at the time of the final redemption. At the end of the parsha G-d gives Moses his final task.

G-d Wants to Bond with You

How do you visualize your connection with people?

When G-d describes His relationship with the Children of Israel, and indeed with all his children, He uses the image of a rope. Think about the metaphor:

• Rope can be used to tie two people together. If the right knot is used when they struggle the ropes will get tighter.
• Rope can be used for towing and for hanging.
• A single strand of a rope breaks easily. If you sever enough of them the rope will break. But you can strengthen the rope by weaving in new strands.

Throughout life, you’ll encounter hard times. You can let them dishearten you, destroy your relationships or, like the special knot, bond you more closely with your family and friends. Commit to working through them together. Step by step you’ll find the right path to resolution and closeness.

Life can be like tug-of-war. If you insist on always having your own way you’ll pull people into a mud puddle. But if you build strong, steady anchors at both ends of a rope, you create a lifeline over the ooze. There is more than one way to overcome an obstacle. You don’t always have the right answer. By giving way to others needs, you’ll build bridges rather than moats.

Humans make mistakes. Sometimes they’re bad enough to damage a connection to someone. But if you regularly bond with your loved ones you will create more links than you break and relationships will endure.

Imitate G-d’s Bond in Your Relationships

If you don’t sense a bit of the eternal when you begin a friendship think twice. Rather than chasing after people with whom you build thread–like connections at best, look for those with whom you can create long-lasting bonds.

G-d wants an eternal, substantial connection with you. Wave off the quick and the short-term. Seek out and build everlasting bonds in your life. Starting now pays huge dividends.

How do decide which relationships you'll invest in?

You can leave a comment on this question or ask another question below ↓

Every year beginning on Simchas Torah, the cycle of reading the Torah, the first five books of the Bible, ends and begins again. Each Sabbath a portion known as a sedra or parsha is read. Its name comes from the first significant word or two with which this weekly reading begins.

Do you have a question about the Old Testament? Ask it here and I will answer it in a future Parsha Nugget!