Category Archives: Relationships

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Parsha [Passage of Scripture] Nugget [Precious Idea] Shemos – Exodus 1:1-6:1

One of the traits Melanie and I most want to instill in our daughter is kindness. If you have a child you know that’s not an easy job. Fortunately, Parshas Shemos clarifies how to accomplish this feat:

"And these are the children of Israel who were coming to Egypt, with Jacob each man and his household came." (Shemos/Exodus 1:1)

In this Sabbath’s parsha, which begins the second book of the Torah, a new Pharaoh succeeds to the Egyptian throne and enslaves the Israelites. He declares all male infants will be killed. Moses is born and Pharaoh’s daughter raises him, nursed by his own mother. He flees to Midian after killing an Egyptian to save a fellow Hebrew’s life. There he meets and marries Zipporah, the daughter of Reuel, also known as Jethro, the priest of Midian.

Moses encounters an angel in a burning bush. G-d appoints him messenger to obtain release of the Children of Israel. Reluctant, Moses eventually bows to the Almighty’s will. He leaves Midian for Egypt and is met by Aaron, his older brother, who becomes his partner in dealing with Pharaoh. They have their first meeting with him and rather than agreeing to their demands Pharaoh makes the enslavement harsher.

Kindness vs. Justice

Hardly anyone would argue with the idea that people ought to be kind. But major disagreement arises over how to be kind. Since the Exodus narrative requires a nuanced understanding, its first line explains a subtlety often missed when defining benevolence.

In the above verse, it’s redundant to add, “with Jacob” to “the children of Israel were coming to Egypt.” We know this from a previous verse. The brevity of the translation obscures its true meaning. Not only did Jacob’s sons accompany him to Egypt, they were with him when expressing their values. In turn, Jacob embodied the greatness of Abraham and Isaac by uniting their two key traits, kindness and justice. It’s easy to see justice without kindness leads to mercilessness. But untainted kindness would seem to be ideal.

The Motivation for Kindness

Benevolence comes from two motivations. Some desire to help other people. Others cannot bear to see people suffer. On their face both are noble. Indeed the latter one seems to be the kinder source. After all, shouldn’t we strive to alleviate suffering?

On closer examination, being kind because your heart aches when others are sad or in pain belies selfishness. Your kindness alleviates your suffering but ignores the fact that sometimes others have to experience pain to be motivated to resolve an issue, make a change, or grow. You feel good because the person has avoided distress but at what cost?

If you are motivated by a desire to help people you’ll be willing to undergo heartache knowing that in the end the other person will be better off.

Later in Exodus, G-d hardens Pharaoh’s heart to give him the opportunity to truly change. It pains the Almighty any time one of His children suffers, but He is motivated only by our well being so He endures. When dealing with others, our kindness must allow for personal discomfort, even pain, so that others have the chance to truly improve.

How do you reconcile personal suffering with helping others? Please leave a comment below.

Every year beginning on Simchas Torah, the cycle of reading the Torah, the first five books of the Bible, ends and begins again. Each Sabbath a portion known as a sedra or parsha is read. It is named after the first significant word or two with which this weekly reading begins.

Do you have a question about the Old Testament? Ask it here and I will answer it in a future Parsha Nugget!

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Parsha [Passage of Scripture] Nugget [Precious Idea] Vayigash – Genesis 44:18-47:27

I often write about the three realms: physical, mental, and spiritual in which we must intentionally build our lives. People often equate the heart to the spirit and the mind to emotion and intellect, and perhaps the stomach to physicality. Where in the body are all three are unified? Parshas Vayigash answers:

“And he fell on his brother Benjamin's neck and wept, and Benjamin wept on his neck.’”(Bereshis/Genesis 45:14)

In this week’s parsha we find Joseph’s brothers have learned their lesson. Judah steps forward to take Benjamin’s place as a slave. Overcome with emotion Joseph clears the room and reveals himself to his brothers. He convinces them to bring Jacob and their households to Egypt where he will take care of them. At first, Jacob does not believe his sons when they say Joseph is still alive. But the brothers finally convince him and they load up the wagons and move to Egypt where they settle in Goshen.

The famine comes. It is harsh. The Egyptians spend all of their money buying food then sell their animals, land, and finally themselves so that they will live. Only the priests are exempt.

The Nature of Connection

Earlier in the Torah narrative (verse 37:35) Jacob declares the death of his precious Joseph to be so devastating he will never recover, saying, “I will descend on account of my son as a mourner to the grave.”

Often through death, we learn about the true nature of life.

Think about your children. You eat with them (the physical realm), help them with their homework (the mental realm), and exchange gestures of affection like hugs and kisses and loving words (the spiritual realm). As they grow up how you interact may change but the relationships stay strong by building them in all three realms.

When one of your children leaves home the physical bond is disrupted. You may feel sad but you rebuild the connection emphasizing the mental and spiritual bond. Only, Heaven forbid, at death is unity severed forever.

Unity in Relationships

In the above verse when Joseph disclosed his true identity to his brothers, and in verse 46:29 when he reunited with his father, he fell on their necks. When you think about a reunion, it conjures up images of bear hugs, holding the person’s face in your hands, even lifting the person off the ground. Have you ever seen someone fall on the other person’s neck?

Of course, if you think about it carefully, had Joseph literally fallen on their necks he probably would have broken them. The neck metaphorically describes the nature of the reunion.

The neck connects the head to the rest of the body through three main parts: the esophagus (gullet), the blood vessels (jugular veins and carotid arteries), and the trachea (windpipe). Each equates to one of the three realms.

Physical Realm: Esophagus – Ingests food that nourishes the body

Mental Realm: Blood Vessels – Carry blood to and from the brain vitalizing its intellectual capacity

Spiritual Realm: Trachea – Produces the sound of prayer and words of love

The neck represents the unity of the three realms.

Joseph falling on the necks of his brother and father signifies their complete reconnecting. The bond that his presumed death had severed was made whole again.

When working on relationships a person tends to focus on one realm. Some excel at speaking loving words others at doing things, such as making meals, that physically support the relationship. Create ways that expand your repertoire so you bond in all three realms. By doing so you’ll bring unbreakable unity to your relationships.

Question – What things do you do to bond in each of the three realms? Please leave a comment below.

Every year beginning on Simchas Torah, the cycle of reading the Torah, the first five books of the Bible, ends and begins again. Each Sabbath a portion known as a sedra or parsha is read. It is named after the first significant word or two with which this weekly reading begins.

What verse in the Old Testament would you like to know more about? Ask a question and I will answer it in a future Parsha Nugget!