Tag Archives: Old Testament

How to Repair a Damaged Relationship

Wednesday, 27 April 2016 03:30

Written by Kevin S. Bemel

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3 minutes to read

Parsha [Passage of Scripture] Nugget [Precious Idea] Shir Hashirim/Song of Songs

Marriage is hard. You must communicate clearly and compromise daily. You need the patience of Job and the wisdom of Solomon to avoid arguments. Since I have neither, from time to time my wife and I quarrel. My challenge is finding the path back to marital harmony. Fortunately, readings and practices during this time of year blaze the trail:

I am my beloved’s, and his spirit is toward me. (Shir Hashirim/Song of Songs 7:11)

How to Repair a Damaged Relationship

This Sabbath coincides with the last two festival days of Pesach/Passover. The weekly parsha is a special one from Shemos. We also read Shir Hashirim, the Song of Songs, composed by King Solomon. This mashal or allegory is very difficult to understand. On the one hand it appears to be passionate poetry between a man and a woman. Yet in reality it is a “duet of love” between the Jewish people and G-d.

Cycles in a Relationship

Shir Hashirim begins with a beautiful young woman getting engaged to, then marrying a king. Shortly after her marriage she is unfaithful and the king banishes her. She enters a “living widowhood.” But the king loves her too deeply to abandon her, so he keeps watch over her and protects her. When she returns to him, resolving to be faithful evermore, he will take her back. Their love will be fully restored.

Allegorically, the bride is the Children of Israel who G-d betrothed when He took them out of Egypt. They consecrated their relationship beneath the chuppah or wedding canopy of Mt. Sinai and received the Torah. But it was torn asunder by the unfaithfulness of the sin of the Golden Calf. Yet G-d forgave this sin and brought the people into the Land of Israel. They sinned again and were exiled.

Through it all G-d remains ever watchful over His people, protecting us. The Almighty waits for the day we fully repent and return to Him in love.

While most marital fights don’t involve infidelity, the cycle is recognizable. You commit, hurt your spouse, and struggle to find your way back. Then you do it again. To repair the relationship, you have to know what re-committing looks like.

Bonding with Your Spouse

The Rambam, the great 12^th century Torah scholar states that Ahavas Hashem (love of G-d) is the highest form of relationship that we can have with our Creator. It is higher than Yiras Hashem (awe or fear of G-d). When we are in love we only think of our beloved. We should love the Almighty with such intensity.

In your marriage, there is no alternative to love for creating an enduring connection. Neither awe nor fear is a sound basis for a lasting relationship. After an argument, the goal is to return to the closeness you had with your spouse when you got engaged and married.

Recommitting to Your Marriage

Shir Hashirim shows you the ideal state. The practice of the counting of the Omer gives you the tools for getting there. Most marital disagreements stem from a lack of loving-kindness or a misapplication of justice. First determine the source of the discord. Then you can identify what’s needed for reconciliation.

Next, call up your humility so you can lead the way. No matter whether you feel you’re at fault, take the first step. Apologize for your share of what happened. Make it easy for your spouse to seek forgiveness. Use compassion to strive for harmony.

Once you have reconnected, begin deepening your bond. Remind your spouse about good times. Relive fond memories. Doing so will build endurance into your marriage.

It’s no coincidence that the middos (characteristics) necessary for repairing damage to your marriage are the ones practiced during the seven weeks between Passover and Shavuos. Each of the following weekly themes is paired with those of the other weeks. On the first day you work on the trait of pure chesed. On the second day work on gevurah-chesed, discipline in your loving-kindness, day three tiferes-chesed and so on each day and week.

Week 1 – Chesed – loving-kindness

Week 2 – Gevurah – justice and discipline

Week 3 – Tiferes – compassion and harmony

Week 4 – Netzach – endurance

Week 5 – Hod – humility

Week 6 – Yesod – bonding

Week 7 – Malchus – sovereignty and leadership

Practice these qualities and skills before you need them. (You can get my free 49 Days to Refine Your Character tool by signing up for my email list). Disagreements in your marriage are inevitable. Make sure you know the steps and have prepared to repair the damage.

What is your process for reconnecting with your spouse after a fight? Please comment below.

Every year beginning on Simchas Torah, the cycle of reading the Torah, the first five books of the Bible, ends and begins again. Each Sabbath a portion known as a sedra or parsha is read. It is named after the first significant word or two with which this weekly reading begins.

What verse in the Old Testament would you like to know more about? Ask a question and I will answer it in a future Parsha Nugget!

How to Keep Your Spirit in Balance

Wednesday, 13 April 2016 03:30

Written by Kevin S. Bemel

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2-½ minutes to read

Parsha [Passage of Scripture] Nugget [Precious Idea] Metzora – Leviticus 14:1-15:33

Self-improvement is hard. First you have to figure out what needs fixing. Then, you have to find a system that will deliver results. Because it’s intangible, spiritual improvement is the most difficult. I almost pine for the old days described in this week’s parsha, Metzora:

This will be the law of the metzora on the day of his spiritual purification. (Vayikra/Leviticus 14:2)

How to Keep Your Spirit in Balance

This Sabbath's parsha tells how a metzora, someone with tzaraas (a spiritual disease contracted because a person’s life is out of balance), and a house with a tzaraas become tahor, spiritually purified. It also details how a zav, zavah and niddah become tahor.

The Plague of Spiritual Imbalance

The Kabbalah, a compendium of Jewish mysticism, says tzaraas comes from life being out of balance. An hormonal imbalance causes acne during puberty. It shows up in skin becoming swollen, red, and even pus-filled. So too, a metzora’s spirit is out of equilibrium. It reveals its presence through a leprous-like affliction.

In time, a young person’s body adjusts to the increased hormonal output. Balance returns and the acne goes away. Hopefully it leaves no permanent scars. A metzora experiences a sudden increase holiness. While this is a great thing, it takes time for the person to adjust. Over time the person will rise up to the new level of sanctity and regain spiritual balance. In the meantime, tzaraas serves as a reminder that further work is necessary.

So, the loss of the ability to contract tzaraas is a mixed blessing. It is embarrassing for a person’s shortcomings to be displayed in public. But, he misses out on a tangible motivation to elevate himself.

The Modern Day Alternative

Most people have a default mode for handling life. Is yours one of these?

Chesed– Loving-kindness
Gevurah– Justice and Discipline
Tiferes– Harmony and Compassion
Netzach– Endurance
Hod – Humility
Yesod– Bonding
Malchus– Sovereignty and Leadership

In addition to your primary mode, you are probably pretty good at using a couple of the others in this list. The challenge comes when you’re presented with an issue that cannot be handled within your existing frame of reference. Perhaps you tried solving a problem but it blew up in your face instead. Or you’re procrastinating because you do not know how to approach it.

You need to stop trying to force people to enter your world rather than gaining the skills to enter theirs. When you recognize other people’s modes, you have a valuable tool for problem solving. And you’ll avoid hurricanes while navigating through life.

Each year, beginning on the send day of Passover, the Omer is counted. By following it, you have the chance to practice understanding many approaches to life and experience their nuances. Such training prepares you for higher levels of holiness. You enhance your ability to build relationships with other people and the Almighty.

Like any new skill, you must be intentional to grasp it and make it an integral part of yourself. Each night the count introduces you to a new concept that your minds can ponder while asleep. Then you can explore it the next day through deliberate acts according to the day’s theme.

You can get my free 49 Days to Refine Your Character tool by signing up for my email list. Enjoy the benefits of expanding your repertoire for creating successful relationships!

How do develop your spirit? Please comment below.

What verse in the Old Testament would you like to know more about? Ask a question and I will answer it in a future Parsha Nugget!

Do You Know This Is Making You Sick?

Wednesday, 30 March 2016 03:30

Written by Kevin S. Bemel

0 Comments

3 minutes to read

Parsha [Passage of Scripture] Nugget [Precious Idea] Shemini – Leviticus 9:1-11:47

Now that she’s getting older and more aware, my daughter sees how careful I am about what I eat, listen to, and watch. So what she saw the other day in an episode of the Flying Nun surprised her. Sister Bertrille (Sally Field) went into I nightclub where Go-Go dancers performed in cages. Having grown up immersed in 1960s television I didn’t realize how the scene might impact her. Parsha Shemini explains why I need to be more aware:

“And any earthenware vessel, if any of them [creeping crawling things] will fall into it…you will break it.” (Vayikra/Leviticus 11:33)

This Sabbath’s parsha tells how to perform the Temple service and about the death of Aaron’s two sons. Then it explains how to dispose of the day’s offerings, the dispute between Moses and Aaron, and the laws of kosher animals, fish, birds, and creeping crawling things.

The Spiritual Nature of Things

Tumah and tahara (translated as spiritual impurity and purity) are hard to understand. The idea that utensils can look fine but be spiritually contaminated doesn’t compute. They're not alive and don’t have a soul.

My daughter and I are reading A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson. In it we learned that the famous equation E=MC² shows that everything in the universe is energy. What better proof of G-d’s existence than that? Though inanimate objects aren’t alive, we’re connected to them through the common energy of existence. Viewed this way, spiritual impurity can be contracted and transmitted by any substance.

When a creeping crawling creature falls onto a utensil of wood or garment of leather or sackcloth you just have to wash it. Why do you have to break an earthenware vessel when the same thing happens? Shouldn’t this affect everything the same way?

Utensils and garments made from wood, leather, and sackcloth are valuable for their function and materials. You can buy a garment and recut the leather or fabric to make something else out of it. But earthenware only has value when formed into something. The dirt from which it is made is worthless. What’s in it and its use determine its value.

What Makes You Sick

Adam, the first human, was formed from clay. His name comes from the Hebrew word adamah, which means dirt or earth. (According to DataGenetics, the elements that make up a human body are worth only $160 as of 2011.) We are vessels of earthenware. While the spark of the Divine in your neshamah (soul) is infinitely valuable, for your body what counts is what you put in it.

If you fill yourself with tumah, whether it is forbidden creeping crawling creatures or ideas G-d abhors, you will defile yourself. The only way to get rid of this contamination is to break the vessel, you. Perhaps that is why near death experiences have such a dramatic effect on people. Similarly, you must tear yourself down to get rid of destructive habits. Then you can rebuild your character or behavior in the proper way.

People focus on the physical causes of sickness. But mental and spiritual disorders profoundly affect your wellbeing. From that perspective, what you see and hear is as important as what you eat.

How has a spiritual malady affected your health? Please comment below.

What verse in the Old Testament would you like to know more about? Ask a question and I will answer it in a future Parsha Nugget!

One Way to Know the Quality of Your Relationships

Wednesday, 27 May 2015 03:30

Written by Kevin S. Bemel

0 Comments

Parsha [Passage of Scripture] Nugget [Precious Idea] Nasso – Numbers 4:21-7:79

I think most men gave up wearing ties in order to force their children to be more creative when selecting a gift. But isn’t it supposed to be the feeling that counts? Maybe, but after the fifth or sixth one you think they’d choose something, anything, else. This week’s parsha, Nasso, suggests maybe not:

And his offering: one silver bowl of one hundred and thirty [shekels], one silver sprinkling basin of 70 shekels according to the holy shekel, both filled with fine flower mixed with oil for a meal offering. One spoon of ten gold [shekels] filled with incense. One young bull, one ram, and one lamb in it first year for a burnt offering. A goat for a sin offering. And for a peace offering: two oxen, five rams, five he goats, five lambs in their first year. . . (Numbers/Bamidbar 7:13-17)

In this Sabbath’s parsha, the Levites are counted and assigned their responsibilities for transporting the Tabernacle, the procedures for a Sotah and Nazir are described, the Priestly Blessing is given, and the leaders of the twelve tribes bring their offerings to dedicate the Tabernacle.

Nasso is a long parsha. Almost half of it details the dedication gifts of each tribe. The description for each one matches the above verses. The only difference between the twelve gifts is the name of the tribal leader and the day he brought it. If G-d wanted to emphasize their equivalence, He could have described one of them and then noted each tribe brought the identical gift. Why repeat it twelve times?

Despite being physically indistinguishable, the Creator saw each tribe connected different meanings to their gifts. Think about your how you give presents. One week you might give your wife flowers meaning to say I'm sorry. A few weeks later the same kind of flowers might mean happy birthday or simply I love you.

Now, imagine if you had twelve children and they each gave you a birthday present that turned out to be identical. Which explanation to a friend would honor them better: “Oh my children all gave me the same gift,” or “my first child gave me a gift that meant this to me, my second child gave me a gift that meant this other thing to me,” and so on?

Being a gracious recipient means more than saying thank you. You need to take the time to understand the meaning behind a person’s gift. If you don’t like it, could the problem be the relationship is off track or not as close as it ought to be?

That the Almighty received each of the tribes’ gifts with equal favor shows how connected He was to His children.

Got a lot of funky ties in your closet? Perhaps it’s time to focus on your family.

What barometer do you use for tracking the quality of your relationships? Please comment below.

What verse in the Old Testament would you like to know more about? Ask a question and I will answer it in a future Parsha Nugget!

You Can Learn Things from Someone You Despise

Wednesday, 18 June 2014 03:30

Written by Kevin S. Bemel

0 Comments

Parsha Nugget Korach – Numbers 16:1-18:32

Once, I sat through a class that was so boring the only way I could get through it was to study how the teacher could attain the ultimate level of insipidity. But it proved you can learn something from everyone. Still, I am challenged to do so when I vehemently disagree with someone. This week’s parsha, Korach, shows how to glean wisdom in such a case, or worse, when the view espoused is evil:

The fire-pans of these sinners against their souls, and they will make them hammered-out sheets a covering for the Altar . . . (Numbers/Bamidbar 17:3)

Image from iStockPhoto.com

This week’s parsha takes us from the infamy of the spies to the rebellion of Korach and his followers against Moses and Aaron. Unlike the previous complaints about food, water, and other things, Korach, a cousin of Moses and Aaron, sought to depose them and assume their roles. He tried to take advantage of the Israelite’s unhappiness over the decree that they would wander in the wilderness for 40 years. As a result of their rebellion, the 250 insurgents were consumed by fire and the Earth swallowed up their households. A harsh punishment indeed!

Upset by this latest tragedy, the Israelites complain against Moses and Aaron. To chastise the people, G-d brings a plague that He stops only when Moses and Aaron intervene.

Next, the Torah reviews the Priestly duties and the gifts they will receive, then discusses tithing to the Levites and the tithe they will, in turn, give to the Priests.

Because the earth swallowed Korach and the other rebels, you might think that G-d wanted all trace of then eradicated for all time. Not so. For example, Psalm 82 memorializes the sons of Korach for being staunch supporters of Moses.

Stranger are the copper fire pans that remained after those who brought incense in them were consumed by the fire that they thought would burn their offering. G-d commands Elazar, Aaron’s son, to hammer them out as a covering for the Altar. It seems counterintuitive to use articles that were involved in sin to cover the vessel that is used to atone for sin. But this covering would cause the Children of Israel to remember the transgression of the rebels and help keep them on the right path.

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Looking more deeply, each metal used in building the Mishkan, the Tabernacle, represents a character trait. Gold designates awe, silver indicates love, and brass, which is made of copper and zinc, represents conviction and strength of character. Indeed Korach and his followers had such profound conviction they were willing to die for their beliefs. Though G-d rejected their ideology:

He appreciated that they believed it so deeply.

Thus Elazar discarded the hot coals that were in the pans, which represent the dissenters’ erroneous beliefs, but sheathed the Altar with the copper fire pans, which sent the message to the Israelites to:

Stand strong in your conviction to G-d.

Here's what you can learn from Korach’s downfall:

While G-d may hold the third or fourth generation responsible for the sins of their parents, you have no business doing so. Korach’s sons rejected their father’s rebellion and were among the righteous of their generation.
There is no such thing as someone who has nothing to teach you. If you are willing to look for it, even someone with whom you deeply disagree has a message for you.
You must not waver in your attachment to G-d, and like brass, stand by your conviction even if the heat from the altar becomes intense.

What have you learned from someone with whom you disagree?

You can leave a comment on this question or ask another question below ↓

Every year beginning on Simchas Torah, the cycle of reading the Torah, the first five books of the Bible, ends and begins again. Each Sabbath a portion known as a sedra or parsha is read. Its name comes from the first significant word or two with which this weekly reading begins.

Do you have a question about the Old Testament? Ask it here and I will answer it in a future Parsha Nugget!

Page 3 of 9

Tag Archives: Old Testament

How to Repair a Damaged Relationship

Cycles in a Relationship

Bonding with Your Spouse

Recommitting to Your Marriage

How to Keep Your Spirit in Balance

The Plague of Spiritual Imbalance

The Modern Day Alternative

Do You Know This Is Making You Sick?

The Spiritual Nature of Things

What Makes You Sick

One Way to Know the Quality of Your Relationships

You Can Learn Things from Someone You Despise

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