Tag Archives: healthy relationships

How to Make Love in Heavenly Bliss

1-½ minutes to read

Parsha [Passage of Scripture] Nugget [Precious Idea] Acharei Mos – Leviticus 16:1-18:30

Peruse the magazine headlines in any supermarket checkout line. It seems there’s nothing more important than sex. Articles abound on how to hookup, turn him on, and blow his mind. But if all these ultimate techniques work why do they have to come up with new ones every month? To learn to make love exquisitely, check out this week’s parsha, Kedoshim:

And Aaron will bring his sin offering bull, and he will atone for himself and his household. (Vayikra/Leviticus 16:6)

How to Make Love in Heavenly Bliss

This Sabbath’s parsha tells about the Yom Kippur service (from which comes the term “scapegoat”), the prohibition against eating blood, forbidden relationships, and the holiness of the Land of Israel.

How to Qualify as High Priest

Although many values vary little across the religious spectrum, celibacy creates a dividing line. Roman Catholicism, Sufism, classical Hinduism, and several Buddhists sects embrace physical asceticism. They require rejecting base human desire to reach a high spiritual level.

Not so for the Kohen Gadol, the High Priest serving in the Ancient Temple in Jerusalem. As the first step in the special Yom Kippur service he brought a bull to atone for he and his household. The Talmud teaches household means wife. To become the High Priest, a man had to be married. No bachelors allowed.

The Commandment to Make Love

The first commandment in the Bible appears in Genesis 1:28. G-d tells Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply. Lovemaking is established as the foundation for marital bonding.

Several sections of the Talmud discuss a husband’s obligation to fulfill his wife’s needs. Neither the setting nor pre-coital preparation are off limits. Even frequency is covered. A husband must make love to his wife daily unless his occupation keeps him away from home or is physically demanding.

In Jewish law, the purpose of marital relations is having children. In the broader context of married life, spouses should make love to give pleasure and bond.

Contemporary life’s focus on the self is counter to God’s purpose in creating lovemaking. The Almighty wants His precious gift shared by a husband and wife to enhance their union. As the third party to all marriages, when they make love and connect a couple joins with God in heaven.

What do you do to bond with your spouse? Please comment below.

 

Every year beginning on Simchas Torah, the cycle of reading the Torah, the first five books of the Bible, ends and begins again. Each Sabbath a portion known as a sedra or parsha is read. It is named after the first significant word or two with which this weekly reading begins.

What verse in the Old Testament would you like to know more about? Ask a question and I will answer it in a future Parsha Nugget!

Do You Have the Courage to Get the Job You Want?

1-½ minutes to read

Do you like your job? Are you paid enough? Is what you do engaging? Do you look forward to interacting with your colleagues? If you answered yes to these questions you’re fortunate. According to Gallup, over the last three years only 30% to 35% of Americans are engaged in their work. Gallup defines engaged employees as being: “…involved in, enthusiastic about and committed to their work and workplace.”

Do You Have the Courage to Get the Job You Want-

What Creates Job Satisfaction?

Many factors impact how much you’re likely to enjoy your work. Of the top ten identified by Forbes, most fall into three categories:

  1. Treatment: Do you receive adequate appreciation for your work? Are you secure in your job? Is your job interesting and are there opportunities for professional growth? Does your job allow for a good work-life balance?
  2. Financial Issues: Is your company financially stable? Are you properly compensated?
  3. Workplace Relationships: Do you have good relationships with your colleagues and superiors?

Of the three, note that your ability to impact the other two rests on the quality of your relationships. Is there any doubt that when mutual respect exists between you and your coworkers you’re more likely to be treated and paid properly?

Relationships Get You the Job You Want

Since relationships are the key to job satisfaction, it makes sense to have maximum interaction with people at a company before deciding to work there. That let’s out job boards as a search strategy. They’re easy to use. They feel safe and comfortable. But you’re not interfacing with humans until, maybe, you get an interview. Having run the online gauntlet, you’re setting yourself for getting a job you’ll hate.

Move out of your comfort zone. Take steps to meet and get to know people in the industry and at companies that interest you. Social media makes it easier than ever before to network nationwide. Take a lesson from Millennials and people in their late teens. They’ve been doing this their whole life.

As an added bonus, by building relationships during your working years, you’ll accumulate the asset that leads to a longer life and happiness when you retire.

Be courageous! Overcoming your fear of meeting new people will pay you dividends now and for the rest of your life.

What stops you from focusing your time on intentionally creating and nurturing useful relationships? Please comment below.

Being Brutally Honest Makes You a Liar

2-½ minutes to read

Authenticity is the rage in personal development. Everywhere you turn writers (me included) encourage you to be genuine. With so many exhortations you would think everybody goes around wearing masks and deceiving other people. The constraints have been lifted. Be brutally honest. Remember your authenticity is at stake. You don’t want to commit the sin of phoniness!

Being Brutally Honest Makes You a Liar

Act How You Feel

If you’re mad at a coworker, rip him with profanity. If your kid irritates you for the hundredth time, scream at her to stop. Spew invective on Facebook. Tweet 140 character assaults. Being authentic means you can say and do whatever you want without penalty.

Or does it?

What will happen to your job if you give a colleague a verbal dressing down? Gone, right?

How will you child respond to your bellowing? Alienation?

Why would someone hire you when your social media attacks people and ideas they may agree with?

Do you want to be an unemployed misanthrope?

Perhaps you’ll have to refrain from expressing brutally honest emotions. After all, we teach children to stop throwing temper tantrums. Oh well, it’s only a small compromise of your authenticity.

Who You Are Going to Be

You’re probably frustrated about not having something in your life. Maybe it’s more money or a solid marriage. It could be the time and resources to travel or pursue a hobby you love. Will being brutally honest do anything to get you what you lack?

Is your deepest need to express yourself uninhibitedly? You’ll never get to without suffering consequences.

Or is your frustration actually about something else? If this is the case, being brutally honest with people will make it even more difficult to get what you want since the only way to fill your needs is by helping others fill theirs.

Don’t be fooled into thinking that you can mistreat people under the guise of being authentic. Genuineness comes from behaving in a way that fulfills your deepest aspirations. Indulging the childish side of your nature bespeaks immaturity. Staying true to the best image you have for yourself is true authenticity.

Venting your frustration, verbally or through social media, may make you feel good. But it’s only authentic if your goal in life is to alienate as many people as possible. You know from your own experience, the success you’ve had thus far in life has come from cordial interactions with others.

So stop lying to yourself that being brutally honest expresses the true you. Let your actual authenticity shine through in being the person you wish to be.

How do you stay focused on being your ideal person? Please comment below.

Do You Have a Plan for Your Life?

3 minutes to read

You can either live the life you want or the life that others choose for you. Most people don’t actively pick one of the other. When we’re children we do what our parents tell us to do or rebel against them. Both mean someone else is deciding on our life path. Once out of high school we tend to follow the customs of being in college, the military, or entering the workforce. Some conventions are fine, even laudatory. But often, only as we approach mid to later life, do we realize how much of our lives aren’t what we wanted them to be.

The good news is it’s never too late to start living the life you want.

You Can’t Arrive at an Unknown Destination

The biggest hurdle to living an intentional life is knowing what you really want. Unlike two or three generations ago, most of us have a bewildering number of choices. Deciding among such a vast array can be challenging. As well, you may unwittingly limit yourself by being very clear about one area of your life, say professional success, to the neglect of the other domains of your life.

Frequently I see veterans struggling with this issue. Life in the service is clear-cut. Career paths are set. Deployments occur fairly regularly and everything else takes a back seat to the needs of the military. But when they re-enter civilian life all the constraints are gone. They drift. Unhappiness sets in. They don’t know why.

The solution: Create a life plan that identifies where you want to go in life and how to get there.

Plan Your Life

As a long time follower of Michael Hyatt’s work, I am honored to be on the launch team for his new book. Written with Daniel Harkavy, Living Forward: A Proven Plan to Stop Drifting and Get the Life You Want lays out a compelling case for writing a life plan. Short and to the point, it can be read in one sitting.

Like Michael's first book, Platform, the prose is well crafted to get you to take action. It guides you step-by-step through a simple process designed to get you in touch with the deepest desires in your life and then commit them to paper. Then it lays out a simple plan for integrating your blueprint into your life and making it a reality.

If you’re brand new to life planning Living Forward gives a solid strategy for taking control of your life’s direction. While I didn’t check them out, the online resources undoubtedly make the process even easier. If you are a veteran life planner like me, it has several ideas well worth adopting.

The book has two shortcomings:

  1. Both Michael and Daniel are established professionals who have significant financial resources at their command. The balance they advocate is much more easily attained at their stage in life than it is for someone struggling financially. The book would have been enhanced by some advice as to how to deal with competing interests beyond being intentional about the decisions you make. How did they attain the kind of professional success they have while maintaining solid marriages and relationships with their children? What life planning issues should their readers be aware of to avoid potential problems?
  2. Once your plan is written, Michael and Daniel advise reading it every day for the first 90 days and then at least weekly thereafter. Undoubtedly this effectively integrates it into your life. Better would be going through an extraction process whereby your life plan is distilled to a personal mission statement. Clarity comes not just from writing a plan, but from understanding it well enough that you can express it in a short, simple statement.

Notwithstanding these omissions, Living Forward stands as the book on life planning. If you are ready to stop drifting, join the revolution Michael and Daniel advocate and use this valuable resource to help chart the course of your life.

Do you have a life plan? Please comment below.

How to Make Your Own Luck

4 minutes to read

You can’t deny that successful people are luckier than everyone else. Things just seem to fall in place for them. As Charlemagne said in Pippin, “it’s smarter to be lucky than it’s lucky to be smart.” Wouldn’t it be nice if you knew their secret?

How to Make Your Own Luck

Luck Made Me $6000 in 3 Days

Back when I was in the real estate business I had the chance to make $6000 for about 24 hours of work appraising a golf course. I told the client I knew nothing about the assignment but he wanted me to do it anyway. There was one hitch: I had three days to get it done.

After visiting the course (I could have played it for free but didn’t have the time) I started my research. My first call was to American Golf, at the time the largest owner of golf courses in the country. I told the receptionist I had been assigned a golf course appraisal and was hoping someone at her firm could help me. She transferred me to investor services. I repeated why I called to the investor relation’s person. Our conversation:

IR person: Do you have a pencil?

Me: Yes.

IR person: Do you have some paper?

Me (mystified by his questions but going along): Yes.

IR person: Okay, here’s what you need to do.

He spent the next 45 minutes explaining how to underwrite a golf course. Then he told me I needed to get copies of a golf course trade magazine.

I spent the next hour calling libraries looking for the magazines. No dice. Now this was pre-Internet so I couldn’t just go online and research the publisher. Fortunately one of the librarians had heard of it. I got the publisher’s phone number from her.

My next call was to the publisher. The woman who answered the phone didn’t sound too friendly but I gave her my pitch:

Me: Hi, I’m doing a golf course appraisal and I’ve been told your magazine is a crucial data source. I’d like to get some back issues. Can you help me?

Publisher: A subscription costs $600. You’ll get your first issue in 8 to 12 weeks.

Me: I guess I didn’t explain myself well. I don’t want new issues. I want back issues. And I need them right away because my report is due in two days.

Publisher: A subscription costs $600. You’ll get your first issue in 8 to 12 weeks.

Me: I appreciate that you want to sell a subscription. I’ll pay for back issues.

Publisher: You don’t listen very well. A subscription costs $600. You’ll get your first issue in 8 to 12 weeks.

I gave up and got to work with what I had.

The next day, thinking I had nothing to lose, I called the publisher back. Someone else answered the phone. I explained what I wanted.

Publisher: Sure, I’m happy to help. How many back issues do you want?

Me: Gosh, six month’s worth would be fine.

Publisher: Where should I send them?

Me: You’re being so helpful, may I trouble you to Fedex them? I’ll give you my account number.

Publisher: Oh, we have a Fedex account, no problem. Do you want it for morning delivery?

Me: Yes, I need them as soon as possible.

Publisher: Do you have a fax machine? I can fax you an issue or two.

Me: That would be FANTASTIC! You’re being so helpful, would you give me the name of your supervisor? I want to write a letter about what a great employee you are.

Publisher: Thank you, but it’s not necessary.

Me: Still, I’d really like to.

Publisher: It’s not necessary. I’m a temp. I won’t be here tomorrow.

I received the back issues and finished the assignment on time.

How I Got Lucky

My luck came from two things:

  1. Asking for help. I was honest about what I needed and used the word “help.” People want to help you. But you have to let them know what you need and why. If you’re legit they will help. I once had a business manager give me confidential details about his client’s sale of a winery when I asked for his help. I’ve always thought his client wouldn’t have liked what he did. But perhaps they were too busy drinking wine to care.
  2. Being persistent. I found a librarian who could help me after to speaking to five or six. The first person at the publisher wasn’t helpful. But if I hadn’t called back I would never have hit the jackpot with the second one.

You can do both of these. You can make your own luck!

What do you do to get lucky? Please comment below.

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