Amidst all the priorities competing for my time, I have found too often I loose focus on my foremost relationship, my marriage. It was so much easier when my wife didn’t work and our daughter went to bed early. We had dinner and a cocktail most nights and a special date night once a week. But since she went back to work, and the night shift at that, we have been sorely challenged to find time for just the two of us.
So for the last six months, I tested variations of this scheme. When I do it well it works wonders. Here are the three things you should do each day:
- Wish your spouse good morning, preferably including a kiss.
- Sometime during the day, express appreciation to your spouse.
- Say good night to your spouse, again even better if you include a kiss.
Here’s the key: You have to be intentional and focused for the 5 to 20 seconds it takes to perform each act.
Sometimes I replace expressing gratitude with an act of kindness, perhaps doing one of her chores or bringing her a small gift. When I have to leave the house early or Melanie isn’t home I send her a text instead.
When done consistently, these three briefs deeds strengthen the bond with my wife. Conversely, when I am inconsistent or unfocused our connection erodes.
To hold myself accountable I list LT | BT | EA, meaning lila tov (Hebrew for good night), boker tov (Hebrew for good morning), and express appreciation, in my daily to-do list. Good night is first because my day starts when I reunite with my family after work in the late afternoon. (Read about how I manage my day based on my priorities rather than by time convention.)
You don’t need to commit for a year. Try this plan for 30-days. Let me know how it works!
What do you to consistently bond with your spouse?
© , Kevin S. Bemel, All Rights Reserved
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