Category Archives: Soul

How to Handle the Fragmentation of Civilian Life

Have You Prepared for All Aspects of Your Transition?

2 minutes to read

Parsha [Passage of Scripture] Nugget [Precious Idea] Ha’azinu – Deuteronomy 32:1-52

You may not have thought about it. But military life is integrated. On base, you have facilities serving your physical needs: exercise, medical care, food, and clothing. You can get mental and spiritual support. To a large degree, every unit in the field and ship is self-supporting. Civilian life is fractured. When you transition you need time to rebuild a whole life from scattered pieces.

How to Handle the Fragmentation of Civilian Life

Transitioning Creates Outer and Inner Conflict

The fragmented nature of civilian life makes leaving the military chaotic. That’s why I often talk about reintegration. Transitioning requires more than finding a new home and job. You need to restore a complete structure for daily life.

In the days of wooden sailing ships, rope makers twisted and wove strands of hemp, cotton, and other fibers together to make ropes as thick as seven inches or more. When pulled, any individual thread would snap. But entwined, they often withstood gale force winds.

It took at least four to six months to grow hemp and make such heavy rope. For a life, Parshas Ha’azinu explains the process:

“For the Lord’s portion is His people, Jacob a rope of his possession.” (Deuteronomy/Devarim 32:9)

This week’s parsha ends this cycle of Sabbath readings. Moses taught how G-d and the Israelites’ existence would intertwine. He noted how Jacob combined the strengths of three generations. Abraham’s kindness and Isaac’s sense of justice integrated with his spiritual strength. So he overcame his struggle with the angel. (Genesis 32:22-23) He was ready to face life in all its complexity. The Israelites could follow this example.

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The multifaceted nature of life is just one of many ways rope symbolizes your transition.

Ensure You're Strong

Our military service binds us together. But if we braid our rope from delicate or worn out fibers it will break under stress. Each of us needs to revitalize himself. Then, despite some of us being so fragile we snap, the rest of us can maintain our unbreakable bond.

Each of us intertwines character traits that make up our personalities. Some will serve our reintegration. Others will hamper it. Transitioning entails strengthening the positive fibers. At the same time, we have to engage in the laborious process of unraveling the negative ones.

To rejuvenate, know a rope connects you to the Almighty. Each deed strengthens or breaks a filament connecting you to the Creator. Through daily work on this relationship, you create the ability to tug on the rope. This brings G-d’s presence closer to you in this world during times of trouble.

A rope made of inferior hemp will break in a hurricane. Likewise, transitions made in haste with insufficient thought unravel when hardship strikes. Focus on growing stronger through each step of your reintegration. Give yourself enough time to weave sturdy bonds before taking on extra burdens. And remember, G-d is a tug away.

What daily task strengthens your connection to G-d?

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Every year beginning on Simchas Torah, the cycle of reading the Torah, the first five books of the Bible, ends and begins again. Each Sabbath a portion known as a sedra or parsha is read. Its name comes from the first significant word or two with which this weekly reading begins.

Do you have a question about the Old Testament? Ask it here and I will answer it in a future Parsha Nugget!

How to Create a Cadence to Overcome the Transition Blues

2 Cornerstones to an Unbreakable Reintegration Foundation

3 minutes to read

Parsha [Passage of Scripture] Nugget [Precious Idea] Nitzavim-Vayeilech – Deuteronomy 29:9-31:30

A few weeks ago I heard sailors in formation calling cadence for the first time in quite a while. They brought back memories of my days as a Boy Scout. World War II and Korean War veterans ran my troop. Among the military influences, when we hiked someone called cadence. They were corny…

“I had a good wife but she left.” “You're right!”

“Look what the horses have left.” “You're right!”

“Sound off…” “One, two…” Sound off…” “Three, four…” “Cadence count…” “One, two, three, four, one, two, THREE, FOUR!”

But to a scrawny kid struggling to carry a 50 lb. backpack they kept my spirits from flagging. Civilian life could use some cadence calls, especially when the transition blues hit.

How to Create a Cadence to Overcome the Transition Blues

The Timeless Formula

No matter how meticulous your plan, you’ll have bumps when reintegrating to civilian life. In my case, a week before the movers came to pack up my on-base house, the business venture I had worked on for six months fell through. We got to Los Angeles with lots of expenses and no job.

I could have used a cadence, even a corny one, to help me lift my feet. I felt anger toward the partner who deceived the rest of us. Worse than the lost money was the lost time. My internal dialog flooded with doubt.

I had to make some changes. Fast. I’ll bet you can relate.

Parshas Vayeilech holds the clue for what to do:

“For, the matter is very close to you, in your mouth and in your heart, to do it.” (Devarim/Deuteronomy 30:14)

The Israelites stood on the cusp of the Promised Land. Moses reminded them they didn’t have to go to extraordinary lengths to figure out the right thing to do. Though daunted by having to change their mode of life, the Torah would still direct them. G-d would provide comfort and protect them. If their hearts remained true to the Almighty, they need not despair.

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Concerned they don't know the new requirements for success. Needing to change their way of life anyway. Being hopeful and apprehensive at the same time. Sounds familiar?

The Burden of Previous Transitions

If you ever struggled to transition, you carry that baggage now. Starting school. Changing schools mid-year or going from middle to high school. Trying to make a team. Crossing over from Webelos to Boy Scouts. Acclimating to your parents getting divorced. Long forgotten emotions from these events can resurface during times of uncertainty.

You may have made an irreversible mistake. You vowed to move on only to find yourself caught in an emotional loop. Realizing you're in a similar situation now, you doubt your ability to prevail.

If destiny haunts you, remember it’s in your mouth and your heart, to move forward and succeed. You’ll ease your way with a cadence to overcome emotional inertia. Create yours by:

1. Purpose. Reimagine who you are. As you transition to civilian life, you’re no longer solely a Soldier, Marine, Sailor, Airman, or Coastguardsman. These remain a part of your identity. But now you’ll add new facets to them. Write down a word picture of you reintegrated to civilian life.

2. Mission. Your values don't need to change. But the focus of your life and work does. Family-wise and professionally, create a plan for a lifelong journey. Does your religion give you direction? Consider what 10 to 30-year work goals will motivate you. Don't worry about their changing over the years. Encapsulate your current vision into a powerful sentence or two that describes your life’s trek.

Post these on your bathroom mirror and read them aloud every morning. Keep a copy on your phone so you can read it when the transition blues hit.

Each time you start over, you strive anew. Obliterate worries about the times in the past you said you'd change but didn't follow through. Recognize all that matters is what you say and do now. The required tasks are neither too extraordinary nor too complex for you to handle. These weren’t empty platitudes for the Israelites. Nor are they for you.

Fill in your knowledge gaps. Create a cadence to keep you marching when your energy flags. And always remember, G-d is there to comfort and protect you.

Do you have a mantra that gets you through a difficult situation?

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Every year beginning on Simchas Torah, the cycle of reading the Torah, the first five books of the Bible, ends and begins again. Each Sabbath a portion known as a sedra or parsha is read. Its name comes from the first significant word or two with which this weekly reading begins.

Do you have a question about the Old Testament? Ask it here and I will answer it in a future Parsha Nugget!

How to Battle Lack of Preparation for Your Transition

2 Lessons You Can Apply to Leaving the Military

2-½ minutes to read

Parsha [Passage of Scripture] Nugget [Precious Idea] Ki Savo – Deuteronomy 26:1-29:8

You decided to move on, retire, or got told to leave the military. The prospect of civilian life fills you with excitement. New horizons are there to conquer. No kicking back and enjoying life. Then reality sets in. Job-hunting turns out to be harder than the TAP folks said. You face dozens of problems without a sponsor. Finding a decent place to live. Getting your kids in new schools. The excitement turns to trepidation.

How to Battle Lack of Preparation for Your Transition

A Whole Nation Disoriented by Change

If you're not careful, the blessing of civilian life will become a curse. Your confidence will change to uncertainty. How could things go SO wrong? How will you handle dashed dreams?

We’re not the first people to make a wrenching change. The story in Parshas Ki Savo will sound familiar:

“…so that you can enter the land that the Lord your G-d gave to you, a land flowing with milk and honey…” (Deuteronomy/Devarim 27:3)

Moses sets out the terms under which the people will live in the Land of Israel. The fundamental rules of life won't change. The Torah will still guide them. But in the wilderness, G-d led them from place to place. He prepared manna for them to eat. Their clothes didn't wear out and they didn't have to do laundry. They studied and celebrated the Sabbath and festivals. Some of them got into mischief.

In the Land, the Israelites will have to adapt to a different life. It may flow with milk and honey. But someone will have to feed and milk the cows. The honey won't gather itself. The Almighty will still guide them, though more hidden now. Each man will have to make numerous decisions.

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Civilian life should flow with milk and honey. But it doesn’t.

Combat Unpreparedness with Outlook

Remember in the military how you handled unexpected problems? You used your training to improvise, adapt, and overcome. Of course, therein lies the key. Your service branch drilled you to meet pretty near all contingencies. For the most difficult ones, someone senior to you had the answer. And, he took the responsibility.

Now you’re in civilian life. You may not have proper training. You haven’t drilled handling unforeseen problems. You're not sure who has the experience to give you sound advice. And all the responsibility rests on your shoulders.

The Israelites faced this situation. Moses gave them a choice: blessings or curses. The Torah lists twelve lines of blessings but an astonishing 54 of curses! You can learn two lessons from their experience:

1. Once you commit to negativity, you’re on an almost endless, downward spiral. The pain will be long and drawn out. You’ll think you’ve hit bottom, only to find there are deeper layers of garbage.

2. If you accept life’s problems as blessings, soon you’ll see some fruits of your effort. They won't come all at once. But living with gratitude for the struggles AND the good times means achieving greater comfort.

I’ve asked transitioning veterans to offer advice to service members about to leave the military. Some say, “STAY IN!” Sadly, they’ve chosen the first path. Instead, resolve to convert negative aspects of your transition into growth lessons. Make curses blessings. And put the excitement back into your transition to civilian life.

Where do you see or anticipate blessings in your transition?

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Every year beginning on Simchas Torah, the cycle of reading the Torah, the first five books of the Bible, ends and begins again. Each Sabbath a portion known as a sedra or parsha is read. Its name comes from the first significant word or two with which this weekly reading begins.

Do you have a question about the Old Testament? Ask it here and I will answer it in a future Parsha Nugget!

Do Your Know Your Most Important Quality?

How to Make the Most of Your Military Ethic

3 minutes to read

Parsha [Passage of Scripture] Nugget [Precious Idea] Ki Seitzei – Deuteronomy 21:10-25:19

On the whiteboard in the medical department of my unit, someone wrote out the “Idea Quality Scale”:

Do Your Know Your Most Important Quality?

Ain’t it the truth? At times you’d think the brass designed regulations to thwart productivity. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Lack of sufficient personnel requires long hours to get the job done. Old equipment means lengthy searches for spare parts. I’m sure you can add to this list. Wouldn’t it be nice to escape such frustrations in civilian life?

The Overlooked Source of Passion 

Good luck with that. Half of Americans feel no connection to their work. So they put in the minimum effort. Another 16% hate their jobs. With two-thirds of employees discontent, the civilian workplace isn’t a haven from frustration.

I couldn't find any statistics, but I’d venture to say reverse the numbers for the military. Maybe a third of service members are indifferent or loath what they do. More important, few put in minimal effort. We have a deep passion for our service. But confusion over the nature of passion disguises it. We attribute our dedication to other factors like work ethic and service. Parshas Ki Seitzei sorts it out:

“…you will obliterate the remembrance of Amalek from beneath the heavens. Do not forget.” (Deuteronomy/Devarim 24:9)

G-d gives such a strange command. Don't forget to remember to wipe out the memory of Amalek. Setting aside the self-contradiction, it looks like we’ve done it. When was the last time you heard someone talking about the Amalekites? At least we’ve fulfilled one of our duties to G-d.

Or have we?

Recall why the Almighty condemned the Amalekites to oblivion. The Israelites experienced the miracles of the Exodus and the splitting of the Reed Sea. They saw final destruction of the Egyptians. They ate manna from heaven in the wilderness. These experiences created a warm closeness with G-d. So the other nations of the world left the Israelites alone. Except for Amalek, who attempted to throw a cold blanket on this party by attacking them.

How do we know? The word karcha describes the meeting between the Israelites and Amalek. It means “encountered” and “cooled you.” By striking, the Amalekites hoped to cool the Israelites’ passion for G-d.

But, Amalek isn't only a people. It’s within us, attempting to cool our ardor for the Creator. This Amalek, a much more insidious enemy, we have yet to destroy.

No problem, right? Heat cures cold. Rev up your enthusiasm for serving G-d. Pray more. Take time to study. Do more good deeds. While this may work for a while, swings in your mood and energy will make your progress inconsistent. As well, your agenda may get in the way. Prayer may focus on what you want instead of seeking G-d’s will. Good deeds may curry favor with important people.

Better to fight the cool of the Amalek with ice. Ezekiel (1:22) tells about the “awesome ice, spread out over the heads of the Chayah.” An angel, the Chayah serves G-d with tremendous enthusiasm. But higher than its service is the “awesome ice.” Its devotion is steady, unswerving, a total commitment without a hint of ego. Moses, Aaron, and Miriam serve as examples. All were warm and compassionate. And they had rock solid connections to the Almighty. Heating up your relationship with G-d creates passion. Ice cold resolve steels it against swings in mood and energy.

The True Passion in Military Service                              

You see passion in the heat of military affairs. A drill instructor pumps up his trainees. A column runs with its guidon while calling cadence. A vocalist sings the National Anthem at an official event. But basic training ends after several weeks. The run and the song are shorter still. Then it’s back to the grind of daily life. Does the passion disappear?

No.

It lives on in the dogged commitment to meet the mission. Endless hours working while you grumble about missing parts, meals, and family time shows passion. Your fidelity to duty in the face of stupid policies exhibits passion.

No quality has a higher value in civilian life. Most people don't lead mission driven lives. They're filled with apathy. You embody the icy passion that gets the hard, boring, but necessary jobs done. Be as mission driven outside the military as you were when in it. Such ardor creates a relationship with the Almighty. It will make your transition to civilian life equally stellar.

When did icy passion get you through a tough time?

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Every year beginning on Simchas Torah, the cycle of reading the Torah, the first five books of the Bible, ends and begins again. Each Sabbath a portion known as a sedra or parsha is read. Its name comes from the first significant word or two with which this weekly reading begins.

Do you have a question about the Old Testament? Ask it here and I will answer it in a future Parsha Nugget!

3 Ways Excellence Is More Achievable than Ever Before

How the Barriers to Preeminence Have Collapsed

2-½ minutes to read

America was built on the idea that success comes from working hard and staying out of trouble. But there were always barriers to attaining elite status. Those who went to an Ivy League University had certain doors open for them. Wealth conferred privileges unavailable to people of lesser means. Large companies used their financial power and political muscle to stifle competition. If you follow the news it appears that not much has changed.

3 Ways Excellence Is More Achievable than Ever Before

The Military as a Path to Excellence

During the 20th century, the military provided the means to excel. As a result, men such as Dwight Eisenhower and Omar Bradley could be born in poverty and reach the pinnacle of success. Most people know of Eisenhower’s rise from poor Kansas farm boy to President of the United States.

Bradley grew up as the son of a Missouri county schoolteacher. His father died when he was 15. He won an appointment to the Military Academy. During World War II, he led the 900,000 men of 12th Army Group. He rose to the rank of General of the Army (5 Stars) and became Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. After retiring from the Army he was Chairman of the Board of Bulova Watch Company.

Average GIs found success too. The GI Bill made college available to millions of service members who could not have afforded it. The world needed engineers, accountants, and other professionals in huge numbers. The World War II generation took the grit they developed during the Great Depression and the war, combined it with education, and pursued excellence.

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But Americans who hadn't worn the uniform lacked this advantage. For them, the path to excellence remained a struggle at best.

Changes that Benefit Your Future Success

Seventy years after the end of World War II, the world has changed. It has enough lawyers and accountants. It needs more doctors. But the economics of medicine have altered the profession for the worse. College no longer provides a sure route to success.

Yet, today there are opportunities to achieve excellence that never existed before. At least three factors drive this trend:

  1. A degree provides no guarantee you’re on a path to excellence. But education is available like never before. Someone teaches whatever skills you lack. Take valuable abilities like marketing and coding. Community college classes and online programs abound. Anyone can afford these courses. I’ve mentioned before all the large companies that no longer require a degree. Is there any doubt organizations such as Google, Ernst & Young, and Hilton want employees who pursue excellence?
  2. Social media has broken down barriers to the point that you have access to almost everyone. Derek Halpern at Social Triggers has a free video and download explaining how to email influential people and get a response. In his book, The 2-Hour Job Search, Steve Dalton gives you a more in-depth explanation. Here’s a summary. View the whole slide deck then focus on 27-32. Using my status as a veteran, well over 80% of the people I’ve contacted have responded.
  3. The Internet and social media have shrunk the cost to access potential clients. They have driven intermediaries out of the sales chain and robbed large companies of market dominance. Marketing and entrepreneurship gurus offer training on targeting a niche market. You can beat even the biggest multi-nationals. Check out Amy Porterfield and Pat Flynn.

Add these three factors to your advantage as a veteran and you can be unstoppable. Don't get me wrong. It will still take a lot of hard work. You’ll make mistakes and have setbacks. But the hurdles that past generations faced are gone. It’s now up to you to take advantage of this opportunity. Wading in mediocrity means your financial future will erode. Embracing the quest for excellence puts you on the path to the highest level of success…

What is holding you back from striving for excellence?

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